Der(mom)atology: Navigating parenthood as a physician

By Emily Margosian, Assistant Editor , November 1, 2023

DermWorld talks to Asmaa Chaudhry, MD, FAAD, from Stone Ridge Dermatology in Aldie, Virginia, about her tips for balancing two demanding jobs — physician and parent.

Dr. Chaudhry: I finished my training in 2012, so I’m in my 11th year of private practice. I’ve practiced in multiple settings. I was an employee for six years after training, and then I opened my own practice in 2020 right as the pandemic was starting. I have owned my practice now for three years. We currently have two dermatologists but are continuing to recruit for more. We are a full-spectrum dermatology practice, so we do adult dermatology, pediatric dermatology, and cosmetic dermatology.

DermWorld: What factors influenced your decision as to when in your career to have children?

Dr. Chaudhry: My case is a bit different. When I was in residency, I was not living with my spouse. At the time, my husband had a stable job, and it did not make sense to uproot him for my temporary training. That played a big role in delaying starting a family, just because we weren't living together at the time. I was also doing residency in a place where I didn't have a support system or family. We decided to put it off until my final year of residency when I would be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and knew that my remaining training time would be limited. Even so, it was a very difficult time to start a family. When I was in residency, we had very little additional time. You had three weeks of vacation, and it was expected that you would save up all your vacation and sick time to use as your maternity leave. We did not have a specific maternity leave policy.

DermWorld: What advice would you give other young dermatologists on the best time to become a parent?

Dr. Chaudhry: I don’t know that there’s one right answer, because it’s so dependent on external factors. As a chief, you’re getting ready to take one of the biggest exams of your life, which is your specialty board exam. It’s notoriously difficult. You’re balancing having a baby, going through the postpartum period, and adjusting to your new normal as a parent — while also mentally preparing for this grueling board exam. If I had to give advice, I would say make sure you’re looking at the bigger picture. Do you have a support system close by? Does the residency program provide resources for daycare or subsidized daycare? These are huge expenses, which weighed on us at the time due to not having a support system around.

DermWorld: What changes would you like to see in dermatology training programs to better accommodate physician parents?

Dr. Chaudhry: I want to underscore how important it is for residencies to acknowledge the difficulties of being a parent in training, and to have resources available for those trainees. Resources are different from special treatment. I think mental health resources need to be made available. Subsidies in housing and daycare need to be made available. Our salaries as residents aren’t increasing to match cost of living expenses. Aside from that, there’s also historically been this culture in medicine where you just suck it up, which I think is very damaging. I like the newer trend we’re seeing toward being more understanding of parents’ needs, and offering some flexibility for those who have children during residency. I think it’s very important for trainees and their future. 

DermWorld: As a dermatologist in private practice, how have you maintained a balance between your work and home life?

Dr. Chaudhry: Work-life balance was elusive for the first two years after opening my private practice. As the owner, I’m responsible for all the decision-making, which is really a 24/7 responsibility. It doesn’t end. My children are in middle and elementary school now, and as they’ve gotten older, their demands on my time have also increased. Now that I’ve achieved more stability in the practice, I’ve been able to pull away a little bit and prioritize family time more. I work full-time but have managed my schedule in a way that makes it possible for me to be more present at home. I’ve realized that it’s important to force myself to take the time off to avoid getting burned out.

I also try to put a hard stop on my day, because the work will always be waiting for me the next morning. As a mother, I’m expected to be home, be at certain milestones, play an active role in my children’s education, and plan their day and their after-school activities. That does mean I have had to hire additional staff to make things more efficient so I’m able to go home on time, which does affect my take-home pay.

DermWorld: Are there other strategies or policies you’ve implemented in your practice to help promote better work-life balance for you and your staff?

Dr. Chaudhry: Yes. I have different start times on different days of the week to help me get home when I need to be there. For example, if my children have practices or sports on certain days of the week, I can adjust my schedule to start earlier on a certain day so I can end earlier. So instead of starting at 9:00, I may choose to start at 7:30 or 8:00. I also adjust the summer schedule so that I’m still working the same number of hours but have control of what those hours will be. I also give my predominantly female staff some flexibility on scheduling. I have allowed some of them to have a four-day work week, because many of my staff members are parents as well. Giving them this flexibility helps them be more present and committed to the job when they are there.

DermWorld: On the opposite end of the spectrum, are there any strategies that you’ve implemented at home to be more present as a parent?

Dr. Chaudhry: Yes. I am variably succeeding and failing at it, but my intention is to stay off my phone as much as possible after I get home. Some days I’m better at it than others. It really boils down to needs at work. Sometimes there are days or weeks where there’s just a lot going on at the office. Maybe we’re training new staff or we need to place orders, and as a result I’m on my phone more. However, my goal and my intention is to be fully present at home as much as possible.

DermWorld: How do you navigate “mom guilt” from juggling professional obligations with the desire to be fully present at home?

Dr. Chaudhry: It’s a huge problem, and we see this all the time. The societal expectation is that the mom is the one who carries the mental load of the running of the household. The way this translates sometimes is that even when I see my patients, if they’re accompanied by dad, often I'll get this retort of, ‘Oh, I'm not sure. I’m just filling in for mom today.’ Or ‘I’m not sure what these medications are used for. I'll have to text mom.’ There’s this societal expectation that moms are the ones who should know what is going on at all times. I often embody this role in my own family. For example, what are the kids going to do over the summer? What camps are they going to be in? How are they doing in school? I have to work on involving my husband — who is a very hands-on dad — by letting go of that perceived need to be doing it all, that perfectionism, and that need to be in control. Sometimes it’s important to recognize it’s okay to be just “good enough.” I don’t have to oversee everything both at work and at home. For Type A people like me, it’s difficult not to have that control, but it’s also damaging to have too much control. I try to balance it by allowing my husband to take over and manage the day-to-day things when I’m not around.

DermWorld: Do you feel that being a parent has changed your perspective as a dermatologist?  

Dr. Chaudhry: Yes, most certainly. I find that I relate to patients a lot better, especially the parents of patients — what their concerns may be, what their fears are, and how they approach the treatment of skin disorders in their own children. I’ve found that I have a better relationship with them.  

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